On a personal note...

So, today is the first day of Lent, and although I´m not a religious person, I often try (and usually fail) to give up something every year. There was the year of not eating chocolate - that lasted a few days - and the year of not being mean to people - that was over even faster. I wondered if I´m just not somebody who´s particularly able to deal with committing to something for a sustained period of time? My short attention span would definitely attest to that.

I also wondered about WHAT to give up.. I didn´t think giving up meat or sweets were particularly what I wanted to do; I knew that after six weeks, I´d probably start eating them again and that would be that, the endeavour would have been pointless. 

This year, I´ve decided to give up wearing make-up. This sounds even more like a cop-out and much less of a big deal than giving up meat, to be honest, but for some reason the thought of not wearing ANY make-up for six weeks scared the crap out of me, much more than the thought of not eating meat. I don´t wear that much make-up really, only if I´m going somewhere special, or if I feel particularly self-conscious about how I look. After doing some research into perception of body image and its relation to self-esteem, I´ve been wondering how make-up comes into this. This isn´t a crusade against cosmetics - I definitely feel that that comes down to personal choice, and that they have their place - but I wonder if the wearing, or not wearing of make-up, can affect somebody´s self-esteem - and, more importantly, in which way? Adverts constantly tell us that if we look good, we´ll feel good. But if I only look good (and therefore feel good) because I´ve spent an hour putting 7 layers of crap on my face, is it really worth it? If I come to terms with how I look naturally, without depending on anything to make me look better, can I cut the thread, MY thread, that holds self-esteem and cosmetic dependence together?

The thought of going out clubbing, or to a party where all my friends would be looking glamourous while I´m shamelessly bare-faced, is a terrifying one. But that´s why I want to do it - I want to see if I have the strength to just be me, plain old big-nosed, pale-skinned me, for six weeks, maybe longer. And I actually wonder if this may inform my social behaviour too - will I find it easier to just be myself if I´m not hiding behind layers of make-up? Will I, in fact, take strength from the fact that I´m not using make-up as a buffer anymore, if that is the way I use it? Or will I just bow my head more often, and try not to look anyone in the eye for the next six weeks? Who knows. We´ll see how I get on.

So, world, this is my face. Guess you´re just going to have to deal with it.